- We just wait?
I don't know what the questions are.
- I'm not sure either.
(upbeat music) I'm Nikki, I'm 27.
I had my daughter when I was 19 years old, and at the time I felt I made a huge mistake.
- I'm Tasha, I'm 50, single, and thinking about doing a fourth round of IVF.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, nice to meet you.
A big mistake, because I feel like you need a lot of energy.
You're just so emotionally drained at times, especially if you're a single parent.
I personally wouldn't do it.
I would want to have all my children by 35.
Honestly - Really?
I would.
- I think that is a really bad idea.
Women who are still in their teens, they don't know what they want out of life or what that trajectory is going to be.
You know you don't have the stability, the salary.
You need more experience to have kids.
and how did you feel when you found out?
I was 19 when I found out.
I was actually 20 when I had her.
It was definitely something I felt like, "What did I get myself into?"
- Was it, if I can ask, was it deliberate?
I mean, were you trying to get pregnant?
- No, no - I definitely wasn't.
It was totally a mistake.
- Okay.
- It's not something I said I wanted to do, but it's just at that moment, I just felt like, I'm just going to have this baby and hope that everything works out."
- Well, you know, I'm 50, and I didn't really know that, having a kid would be such an issue.
- Okay.
I want a child because I feel like I'd be a good mother.
I think that I would do a good job with the little me that I could raise to be a good person out in the world.
- So, I've kind of considered everything.
I looked into egg freezing and it's really expensive and not a guarantee.
You start thinking of crazy possibilities.
I'm like, "Well maybe I can just get knocked up or something like that."
You know, I did IVF, and, for no reason whatsoever, it just didn't take.
The one that really kills me is that when people say, "Well, why are you spending money on IVF, why don't you just go straight to adoption?"
Like somehow, they think that people who don't have kids, we have this obligation to adopt the kids who are available.
Like somehow, that's our responsibility.
- Right.
- So I'm thinking about doing IVF again, because you still want to make it happen.
- You don't wanna give up that hope.
- Exactly.
So at this point, I spent a lot of money on IVF.
- But did you ever consider having children before 'cause I... - You know, I didn't.
I was always just working and then in my 30s, I always felt really young.
I mean I still kind of feel young.
Whatever.
And the wasted time in stupid relationships with stupid guys.
You know, haven't we all?
and so - Mmmhmm.
- I do have a lot of regrets.
- I've also made poor choices, I definitely have.
I feel like I have been in very questionable relationships.
I have made a lot of irresponsible choices as far as just wanting to go out and then can't get up the next morning, and I can't take her to school because I am hungover.
I just didn't want to do the mom thing.
I was like, take her she's crying her pamper needs to change, I don't have time for this.
I was totally a child when I had her.
I definitely regret just not setting a proper foundation for her and for myself.
and what have you sacrificed?
- The IVF treatment in general, it was $85,000.
- $85,000?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
And obviously I got nothing out of it so my mom will ask me, "Well are you sorry you did it?"
I'm like, "Well it's kind of a hard question "'cause you kind of have to do it to figure out "if you're gonna have any luck, "but at the same time that was a lot of money."
I sold my house in Chicago and moved to Oregon so that I would actually have money for IVF and I try not to dwell on that.
I've heard people say behind their back, "oh well, what is she thinking?
"She's really old," and so on.
So that's pretty hurtful.
I mean there's just a lot of stuff going on so you have to really, really, really want kids.
- Wow, well first let me say I do apologize just hearing that and having to go through that and I really do hope that something does work for you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I do, I really do.
that you never thought you were capable of?
- Well it pushed me to go back to school.
To get that degree because I didn't have it great at all.
I barely had anything as a child so that's why I just worked so hard and she's just that motivation for me, so I, yeah.
- How old is she now?
- She's seven.
- Okay.
- Yeah, she's seven turning 18 but hey, (laughs) I love my little daughter she's just so sweet.
She's just like a little me.
- Do you feel like you're kinda different from other women you know who had kids at your age?
'Cause you sound very ambitious and motivated and so on.
- Yeah, I definitely try to just show her as a woman you go to work, you go to school, you educate yourself, never stop learning.
I want her just know, yes you're a beautiful girl 'cause she loves herself, oh god, and I'm just like, okay, you're beautiful yes, but what's important is how smart you are, what's in your brain, what do you know.
I'm definitely not here to judge anybody's parenting but have your kids focused on school - Right.
Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, - Oh yeah.
- your kids shouldn't be on that.
They should be reading.
They should be reading - Yeah that's awesome.
above level.
They shouldn't be reading regular.
If they can go on Snapchat and make snaps then they should be able to read.
So, that's something that I - That's awesome - personally do and I'm - That's great so like arrr be smart, you gotta be smart (laughs).
- All the time.
I definitely do think about it.
Sometimes I think I would've had more, I would have accomplished more, been already graduated by now, and I would've been set by now.
I would've had a house, I would've had things but then it's like, sometimes I feel like would I have continued being irresponsible and not get anything?
- Right.
Because she has been my drive.
So if I didn't have her would I still have had that drive?
So - Right.
- I don't know if that would have led me to maybe end up in big trouble and not establish anything.
Yeah, I don't know - Yeah, it's tough to say.
- I can't either, it's tough to say.
I don't know.
(laughs) - Yeah, yeah.
- That is a very good question because it's kind of like, I never thought that I would be this age and still trying.
So, in my mind I thought, okay this will sound crazy, but I feel like, I feel young I'm in good shape, I don't know.
I mean I feel like at some point it has to stop but it's hard to let go of that.
So, I don't know.
In my mind I think, a couple more years.
Honestly also, being single, you're like, well, okay, I don't have a husband or a partner or someone else in my life.
So at least with a child their would be someone there.
So there's definitely, I would say, a void.
- Yeah, at this point I would because you want a child and you figure, okay, I would love to have my genetic child but you get to a point where you're like, okay well, maybe that's not gonna happen so what are the alternatives?
All these things that you do with your daughter, I would want to do that with my son or daughter.
- Okay.
- So, yeah, I would.
I would do that.
- It was really nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you too, good luck.
Thank you.
- Yes.
- You're really awesome.
If you wanna stay in touch.
You know she is obviously a great mom.
My idea has become that, that can happen regardless of if you're a teen mom.
- I never really heard anyone say, I'm single and I wanna have a child.
It's usually, they're opposite, you know, I had a child now I'm single.
That was interesting to hear.
- I think I would've thought that she'd just be in some, I don't wanna say dead-end job necessarily but something to just be making money.
But the fact that is kinda changed who she is, that definitely surprised me.
- I learned to be a little bit more compassionate with people that are older trying to conceive kids.
I definitely learned a lot and I thought this was a really, really cool experience.
