(gentle music) - The father often work in restaurants from three o'clock on to midnight.

- I went on a date last week.

It didn't turn out very well.

- And just about all the royalty in jazz, I mean, everyone, everybody, Duke Ellington.

- Some people say, "I don't wanna burden my family.

Put me in a nursing home."

And it's important to communicate that.

- And over time, I've kind of gotten to where I really enjoy my freedom.

(bright music) - Welcome to "getting dot OLDER," the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate personal revelations about aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

This series interviews people live and online and asks everyone the same questions like number eight.

I felt old for the first time when... And number 18, my relationships now are... You can answer these questions on our online survey.

So join us, stay tuned on TV, and I'm looking forward to hearing your story online.

(lively music) In this episode, our visiting artist honors Chinatown ancestors.

Judith values her freedom.

Irving remembers an awkward first date.

Rene wants to date again but her grandkids can't handle it.

Viewers respond to our online survey.

We hear from an expert about what to expect after a dementia diagnosis.

And our boomer quiz is about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

(gentle music) My next guest grew up in Brooklyn and learned to love dancing from her mom and the neighbors.

- I grew up with Puerto Rican people.

- Oh, nice.

- On my street.

And I love to dance.

Anything.

And I used to go up to their house on Saturday afternoon, all the family would come, and I would dance and my sister would eat the food.

(both laughing) - Rene later performed professionally as a dancer, singer and actress.

- I started as an adult, going to tap dancing class.

And the teacher said to me, "You have a Spanish... You know how to do that."

Whatever, "You have the movements."

And I said, "I grew up with Puerto Rican people and we danced every Saturday."

- Exactly, that's exactly right.

- And my mother was a champion dancer.

- Ultimately, Rene met the man who would become her husband and they enjoyed decades together as partners, parents, and grandparents.

However, as time went by, something began to seem off.

- Yeah, well, my husband had Alzheimer's as well.

- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

So how old was he when he started or when you noticed the symptoms?

- Oh gosh.

Probably late 60s to early 70s.

It was a while before we really knew what was going on.

He had been retired from his job.

He worked at Comcast and they were having a reassignment and whatever, and they let him go.

And I was attributing his behavior to when men retire after working for 40 years or more, they don't know what to do with themselves and they get a little crazy.

And he was hanging on me when I was cooking and I started to notice he wouldn't laugh when there was a joke on TV.

We'd be watching and I'd say, "That was funny.

Why aren't you laughing?"

And so I started to realize and he was forgetting his words.

But I think the very first time in retrospect now, a very dear friend of ours had passed away and they lived up in Saratoga Springs.

And we went to the wake and they wanted him to be a pallbearer.

And he said, "I can't."

And I said, "Why not?"

He said, "My hair is messy."

And I was like, "Your hair is messy?"

Usually, I'm the one with concerned about the hair.

And I was like, "Wow."

So I think that was the very first time that I realized something was going on.

- That is rough.

And he was in his 60s, you said?

- Yeah, he died when he was 74.

And I wanna say it was a good 10 years.

- And that was, how long ago did he pass away?

- It was just four years.

- Four years ago.

- Rene's husband had been sick for 10 years prior to passing.

After years of mourning him, she decided to seek companionship.

- I went on a date last week.

It didn't turn out very well.

I mean, not for me.

For him, it did, but not for me.

- So what happened?

- He thought I was...

He was very inappropriate.

When he first walked in, I met him at a diner that I frequent with my friends and he brought me a rose, which was very nice.

- Nice.

- And he said, "Wow, I hit the jackpot."

And he said, "I wasn't expecting this."

He said, "You're gorgeous," whatever.

I said thank you of course.

It's nice to hear that.

And we started talking and we had a lot of things in common, and that was very nice.

And then he asked me something sexual, and I was like, "Wow.

And you got the wrong woman here.

This is a first date and I don't know you and that was very inappropriate."

So I haven't had much luck in the romance department.

- So how do baby boomers start dating again?

And what are the rules these days anyway?

I wondered how Rene met this guy for a date.

Did she use a yenta, a friend, a volunteer group, or meet him in a bar?

- No, we met online.

I went on a dating site.

- Okay.

- He looked nice and we clicked.

So we met, and then we unclicked.

(both laughing) - I'm glad you could laugh about it.

That's cool.

- Yeah, you'll have to laugh and you'll have to make jokes.

Otherwise, what?

- That's right.

- Well, I'm really glad to hear you talk about dating because I think I know when I was a kid in my teens, I certainly didn't imagine that people who were let's say over 40 will go out on dates.

- My grandson and my granddaughter freak out.

They go, "Whoa, ew, grandma."

And what?

I'm not dead.

It's like, why can't I have a relationship?

You know?

- Exactly.

- A friend.

I'm looking for a companion, a friend.

I'm not looking for my husband.

I had 52 years with him.

- We'll hear more from Rene in upcoming episodes but what about you?

Are you dating again or thinking about dating again after being in a long-term relationship?

What kinds of thoughts are going through your mind about that?

What have been some of your dating experiences and what do your loved ones have to say about it?

Are they supportive, horrified, worried, or encouraging?

(excited music) - Three years ago, I start thinking, I may have 2,000 days left in my life.

(lively music) (lively music continues) ♪ Can you see that look in my eye ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ Can you hear that I talk to you ♪ ♪ When there's something going on inside ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to do ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to say ♪ ♪ I don't know (gentle music) - This viewer survey is from Joseph, an 80-year-old Air Force veteran and tapestry artist who lives in Louisville, Kentucky.

Here's his answer to question number five.

The thing I love most about my age now is... Joseph says, The thing I love most about my age now is I'm old enough to realize how important it is to spread love and defeat hate.

This happens as I interact with individuals from all races and ages and engaging one person at a time.

This is the most meaningful thing that I have ever done.

Joseph, that's a wonderful message, and thank you for sharing.

(bright music) My next guest lived in Austin, Texas for many years before retiring to Northern California where she now works as an artist.

She sent me a photo that I just had to comment on.

- You are one a heck of a gardener, so if you happen to remember the photo you sent us, can you tell us what plants are in the photo and are you a seed gardener or a seedling gardener?

- I am a any means possible, gardener.

I trade with my neighbors, we do all sorts of stuff.

And my whole street is like that.

I mean, we all garden like that.

It's wonderful.

But in that photograph, I mean, I don't think you can see there's a blood orange tree right ahead of the shot.

So I don't think it's in the picture, but the red flowers are just some gigantic geraniums that grow here.

I mean, you just stick them in the dirt and they grow and they get huge.

And then there's some plants called borage, that have blue flowers and they they attract honeybees and that's why I plant them.

- Now, we use the borage as an herb in salads.

- Yes, yes.

And you can freeze the little flowers in ice cubes too.

- I didn't know that.

- And then I think there's a great big sunflower in that picture that the birds planted.

If the birds plant something, I sometimes let them do their gardening.

- Judith's pre-retirement career involved financial investigations.

She brought that level of precision to choosing a place to retire.

- Where I live, I live three miles from almost everything I do including the state capital, the museums, the art galleries, the restaurants, clubs, parks.

So most of the time, I can just walk or hop on my bike to go places, and it's kept me in really good shape.

'Cause I've lived without a car now 6 1/2 years.

- Judith and her husband divorced 20 years ago.

They have two adult children.

- My son had been very sick when he was five.

He had a brain tumor.

And then, he started having a series of problems related to the tumor surgery and another surgery that he had at the same time in high school.

And then that continued all through high school and his first two years of college.

- Oh, poor kid.

- And then resumed problems lately.

So we're still dealing with it.

But he's fine, he's amazing.

- You sent me a photograph and is that handsome young man in the middle with glasses one of your children?

- That's my son and then my daughter is next to him, yeah.

That was at his wedding in November of this year.

- Yeah, beautiful family.

- Yeah, they're great.

- That's great.

- He's an amazing person.

My daughter and I joke that we should have gotten one of those brain surgeries 'cause he's so smart and they must have bumped something.

(both laughing) - Judith is very active in her community.

Cycling, dancing, mounting art exhibitions and volunteering.

So I wondered if she had time for dating.

- Over time, I've kind of gotten to where I really enjoy my freedom of not having anyone's schedule but my own.

And I can go out and do things with friends and I'm very active in my community and I'm just finding that I don't miss always having someone around me that needs for me to be attentive to their schedule.

And so I think it would take someone really, really special for me to want to change that now.

- Judith mentioned her grandparents, immigrants from Lebanon several times during our interview.

She and her artist partner Raffa Chavez are collaborating on an exhibition called Gran Silencio.

The Great Silence.

- I think it's gonna make people really stop and think about immigrants from a different point of view about how little they had with them and how important those little things were.

But also about the doors that they opened for their children and grandchildren that they could never have imagined.

- We'll hear more from Judith in upcoming episodes of "getting dot OLDER," but what about you?

Do you feel that your ancestors sacrificed in order to enable you to have a more fulfilling life?

Do you have a child with significant health challenges?

Have you decided to de-emphasize dating and focus more on other aspects of your life?

(gentle music) Many boomers worry about getting a dementia diagnosis either in ourselves, a mate, a sibling, or a parent.

That news can feel overwhelming.

What are some things to know immediately after a dementia diagnosis?

I spoke with Dr. Halima Amjad of Johns Hopkins Medical School about this sensitive subject.

- One was just the importance of if you have a diagnosis of dementia, you're able again to talk with your family about your wishes for the future.

Again, to give that permission to make changes that you might be open to.

So, there's some people who say "I don't wanna burden my family.

Put me in a nursing home."

And it's important to communicate that.

There's other people who feel like, "Well, I want to live at home."

I think it's important to have that conversation, give that permission to bring help in or to make changes that none of us can foresee, that maybe there might be people where a facility wasn't the plan but things have evolved in such a way that it's necessary.

And the other piece is just to also remember that it's another disease.

So to reduce the stigma around it that a lot of patients and families living with dementia will often compare it to cancer to say that if someone has cancer, everybody rallies around them.

With dementia, it's often met with sort of shyness, embarrassment, not wanting to talk about the condition.

And I think one thing that we can do to improve both quality of life for the person living with the disease and the family, is to try and overcome that.

That cancer used to be a word that people didn't use, now again, it's looked at as, "We need to rally around this person and help them."

And I think the last thing related to that idea is if you have a family member or a friend or someone that you consider to be your family who is dealing with dementia, either themselves or in a loved one, is to stay connected with them.

'Cause I think another unique challenge in dementia is that it's often a very isolating illness.

That as the disease progresses, family members, friends, community often shrinks away.

But there's still value in connecting both with the person living with dementia but then also with the caregivers, the families 'cause they also start to experience that same isolation.

Again I think connecting with those families both to help them now, but also to again, reduce the stigma, the shyness, embarrassment that we all feel when... And it's a disease of the brain.

People have heart disease, people have other conditions that it's just again, a disease affecting another organ.

- We'll hear more from Dr. Amjad throughout the "getting dot OLDER" series.

(gentle music) My next guest grew up in Chicago.

Irving's family was poor and he even had to go into the foster care system for a while.

Later, while he was in the army, his mother kept trying to match him up with local women.

At the time, she was working as a hairdresser.

- She kept telling me about this girl that she fixed her hair and she thought she was very smart and so on.

And finally, after a year or so, I agreed to write her, and this was about 1958.

So I wrote her a letter and said, "I'm coming home on leave for a few weeks and perhaps we could go out, have a date."

- Due to an unfortunate accident, Irving was worried about making a good first impression.

- Just before I came home on leave, I had been involved in an accident, a boating accident during summer training.

And I had broken up my shoulder pretty badly and so my arm was in an airplane splint.

So I looked like the Statue of Liberty during the entire time I was home on leave.

- In spite of his appearance, Irving wanted this first date to be something spectacular.

- And I heard about the Playboy Jazz Festival and the first Playboy Jazz Festival was being organized in Chicago and just about all the royalty in jazz.

I mean, everybody, everybody.

Duke Ellington.

There is not a great jazz artist that wasn't in that concert.

And it went on for many, many, many hours.

- Besides Irving's shoulder injury, there was another kinda awkward issue.

- But I purchased tickets.

I couldn't drive or anything of that sort, so we had to double date with my mother.

And of course, I had no idea how they would react to this jazz.

They had the typical attitudes at the time and they didn't have the background.

But they were willing to do it or to try it and we went to this concert.

It was extraordinary.

I think Sharon was absolutely blown away by it.

- So, how'd it turn out?

- So we had a very nice date - With your mother right there.

(both laughing) In this case, mother knew best.

Irving and Sharon have been married for 59 years.

We'll hear more of my interview with Irving in upcoming episodes.

But what about you?

How did you and your mate, spouse, or significant other meet?

(gentle music) A series of visits with senior artists.

(gentle music) - Well, my name is Wen-Ti Tsen.

I was born in Shanghai in China and I lived there until I was about 13 and there's the revolution in China and we moved to Hong Kong with my family.

And my mother was partially educated in France so we decided to go to Paris.

So I lived in Europe until I was about 20.

I went to art school there and started being an artist.

(gentle music) - [Roberto] Wen-Ti's family ultimately moved to Boston where he was accepted to the school of the Museum of Fine Arts.

- They have a traveling scholarship, which I won, which was only $4,500, but at that time was 1960s.

It gave me enough time for travel for two years.

- [Roberto] With that scholarship, Wen-Ti traveled to Europe, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Egypt making art.

But when he came back, he hadn't finished his degree so he had to take regular jobs.

- I worked for 30 years as a movie projectionist and it was a great understanding of the ups and downs of the society - [Roberto] During those decades working as a projectionist, Wen-Ti spent his spare time making art and building a stellar reputation as a keen observer of modern life and class differences.

Perhaps it's no surprise that Wen-Ti's critically acclaimed body of work focuses on working class people.

- [Wen-Ti] Since I've been working with Chinatown, I'm beginning to understand the different people in Chinatown.

That the hard work, and a lot of it is due to the channel into jobs that is very limited because of racist attitudes of America from 200 years ago, 100 years ago.

So people have no other job belonged to be a laundromat or to be work in a restaurant or to be a garment worker.

And these are things that everybody's trying to make a living with.

- [Roberto] Wen-Ti's current project honors these unsung heroes.

- It's a very ambitious project to do four bronze life-sized statues and it's called Chinatown Working People Statue Project.

The four people, one is a laundry man, and then another one is a restaurant worker and another one is a woman who was channeled into working in the garment factories.

And then it's a little bit different for some people, it's a grandmother who take care of the children because the children starting in the 1960s when families came, a lot of the father and the mother had to work in different hours.

The father often work in restaurants from three o'clock on to midnight and the mother quite often works in the garment factory from eight o'clock until five o'clock.

So the grandmother began to be the people who took care of the children when they came out of school.

(mysterious music) - [Roberto] Another of Wen-Ti's projects is called Hometown.

- The people that I picked on that project is from old photographs with the archived, but then I used these people as representative of the people who lived around Chinatown.

- [Roberto] At age 86, Wen-Ti has an interesting perspective on getting older.

- Three years ago, I start thinking I may have 2,000 days left in my life.

What do I do with that 2,000 days?

So you'll use it rather carefully.

Should be doing something that is more permanent in the community that will have some more meaning.

(gentle music) (bright music) (lively music) - Thanks so much.

Please go to our website and take our survey and let us know if you are interested in doing a video call interview with me.

I am really looking forward to hearing your story online.

(bright music) (bright music continues) (bright music continues) (gentle music) (playful music) (playful music)