Fanny Pack

(slamming) (beeping) (upbeat music) Yeah Yeah Hey Yeah Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey Yeah - [Daughter] I won't let dad control me.

- No, he loves you.

He's just trying to understand you, that's all.

- Mom, I'm 25, he's never going to understand.

- You know, you're just as stubborn as he is.

- Tell him that I love him.

- You can tell him that.

- Mom, I'm going to New York.

This photography exhibit can put me on the map.

- Yes, but... You know, your father thinks you're dating a BMW.

(car door slams) (engine turns over) - What's a BMW?

(seat belt clicks) - A black, Muslim, or white.

- Love you, Mom.

- Wait, are you?

(engine revs) (phone ringing) - Hey, Babe.

- [Man] Hey Babe, what's up?

You on your way?

- Yes, yes, I'm on my way.

- [Man] Mm, I miss you so much.

Little babe, what're you wearing?

- Traveling clothes.

- [Man] No, underneath that, what are you wearing?

- [Woman] Babe, I'm driving.

- [Man] Please tell me the color of them panties.

- [Woman] Babe, you're too much.

- [Man] What kinda underdrawers, stockings, lace panties.

- [Woman] Babe.

- [Man] Mmm, I can't wait till you sit on my face.

- [Woman] It's too early for this.

- [Man] It's never too early.

- Aw.

Aw, Babe, I miss you.

- [Man] Mmm, I'm trying to see what them panties look like.

- Okay, well I'm not wearing any.

- Who's babe?

(screaming) - Dad, what the hell are you doing here?

- Yes, hello Babe.

Who are you?

(phone hangs up) - Dad.

- Who's Babe?

- [Woman] We have nothing to talk about.

- We have plenty to talk about.

Tell me.

- You've crossed the line this time.

- Are you staying with Babe in New York?

(seatbelt locks) Talk to me.

(phone dings) Oh God, don't tell me you're dating a Pakistani.

You're dating a Pakistani, perfect.

(upbeat music) (car door slams) You can't park here.

- [Airport Intercom] The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading.

- Open the child lock.

- Thanks for the surprise dad.

- [Airport Intercom] No parking.

- Bye.

(car door slams) - You can't park here.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me sir, you can't park here.

Sir.

- [Woman] Hi.

Flight 704 to New York please.

- Okay.

- My ID.

- Traveling alone?

- [Woman] Yes.

- You look very exotic.

With your hair color I just can't tell where you're from.

- I'm from Los Angeles.

- Right on, so am I. I'm local, you're local.

We should hang out.

There was a great place in Silverlake.

You have any baggage?

- No.

- Yes, me.

I'm with her.

- No.

No he's not.

Dad.

- I'm her father.

- Is this your father?

- No.

- Yes, my ID and I'd like a seat next to my daughter please.

- You're not coming to New York with me.

(sighs) - I'm an old man who wants to travel.

I've never been to New York.

- Oh wow.

- He went two weeks ago.

- You know when she was younger, I used to carry her tickets, passport, money, everything with me right here.

Now I just have my own.

I'm all alone.

- Can I have my boarding pass please.

- And my only daughter's embarrassed to sit next to me.

- Don't listen to him.

- Geeze.

- I hate you, Dad.

- I command you to stop.

I'm not moving until we talk about this.

I'm still not moving.

Goddammit.

Excuse me sir.

It's alright.

Run away, that's what you're best at.

I know why you don't want me at this exhibit.

It's because you're having adult sleepovers before marriage.

- Sir, this is a line.

- Yeah.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me, this is my daughter.

Would you mind very much if I stood.

- Excuse me.

- Thank you very much.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

Can I just please?

- In our country, we have rules.

- This is my country.

- People, have your shoes and jackets off in the gray bins.

Let's keep this moving.

- Dad, stop following me.

- I have to follow you, I'm in a line.

- You're just embarrassing yourself.

- You want to know what's embarrassing?

I'm the only member of the Indian Doctor's Association to have their child drop out of medical school.

That's embarrassing.

All I ever wanted was for you to become a doctor.

- I never wanted to become a doctor.

I just wanted to make you proud.

- You'll make me proud by becoming a doctor.

- Dad, Papa, I'm done.

I'm done fighting with you.

- I just want you to have a stable profession.

- I'm an artist.

- Do you know how much we spent on your education?

- My photography has been featured in A Cultura De La Paris.

It's an important French magazine.

- The picture with the breasts?

- Oh you never had the eye for real art.

- Picture taking is not a stable profession.

- It's photography, Dad.

- Photography, pornography, it's all the same thing.

When you were a little girl, you used to say to me, "Daddy, when I grow up I want "to become a doctor just like you."

- I was seven.

I believed in unicorns.

- You look like a hippie clown with that hair.

- Why are you insulting me?

- Purple hippie.

- Go home to mom.

- Oh insulting your father in public is very nice.

- Yes.

- I'm not proud to be your father, I'll tell you that.

(fanny pack rustling) Stuck.

This thing's broken?

What the?

(beeping) Would you stop being a hippie clown con pornographer for just one second and help your father.

- No.

(beeping) Stop talking to me.

- Sir, you're holding up the line.

- Dad, what's that hanging from your bag?

- It's a fuse.

- That's a bomb.

- Sir, put your hands up in the air.

- What?

(sirens wailing) - [Man] Security get down.

(sirens wailing) Security.

Get down.

Clear the area, clear the area.

(yelling) (alarms blaring) - Security engage fire.

- Oh no, that's my father.

- She's coming for him.

- Clear the area, clear the area.

(alarms blaring) - Stay still sir.

- But I'm a urologist.

(beeping) - [Man] We've got this brown guy.

I think he's Pakistani, got his fanny pack here.

(beeping) (laughing) - Your mother's going to kill me.

(sighs) - I'm so sorry, dad.

- I'm sorry too.

(sighs) So, who's babe?

(upbeat music) You strap your fanny pack On the front or the back When the kids talk shit Make 'em take it back I know you can't believe The things you've heard and you've seen But my baby's afraid Of only one thing It's your fanny pack It's your fanny pack You caught them all by surprise Confusion in their eyes There's something hanging' to the side Of your waistline It's your fanny pack It's your fanny pack Oh it's your fanny pack Oh it's your fanny pack Oh it's your fanny pack Oh it's your fanny pack Ta, ta Ta, ta Ta, ta Yeah, yeah Yeah They take a panic step back The TSA's about to crack 'Cause they be thinkin' there's a bomb In your fanny pack It's your fanny pack It's your fanny pack It's your fanny pack It's your fanny packie It's your fanny pack It's your fanny pack Yeah, oh yeah It's your fanny pack It's your fanny