"Humpty"

Man: HONEY, YOU WANT TO PUT ON YOUR HAT.

Girl: I'M NOT COLD!

Man: COME ON.

[ SIREN WAILING ] Dean: JAIL WAS AWESOME!

YOU'RE MY HERO.

Dani: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

Dean: WELL, SIR, IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.

Cop: HEY, NO MORE TAGGING, ALL RIGHT?

Dean: UH, GRAFFITI ART.

YES, SIR.

NYPD!

NO, DON'T -- DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT.

-Dani: DID YOU HAVE FUN?

-Dean: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

KIND OF A GOOD TIME, ACTUALLY.

-Dani: DO YOU WANT TO STAY?

-Dean: LOVE YOU.

PEGGED IN.

OH.

PEGGED IN.

[ SINGS INDISTINCTLY ] SHE HAS ARISEN.

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE, SUNSHINE, SUNSHINE.

IT WAS JACK'S IDEA.

HE SAW THIS, UH, BANKSY MOVIE AND THEN SHOWED UP TO THE BAR WITH A CAN OF SPRAY PAINT.

BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.

HE ONLY HAD ONE CAN OF SPRAY PAINT.

IT WAS, UH -- IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA CALL YOU, BUT I KNEW YOU HAD TO GO TO BED EARLY.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I THINK WE'RE REALLY -- WE'RE REALLY GOOD AT IT, YOU KNOW?

IT WAS, UH -- WELL, YOU'D BE VERY IMPRESSED WITH WHAT IT WAS.

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN, SO... -CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING?

-Dani: YOU GOT ARRESTED.

Dean: YEAH, YEAH, I DID, I DID, BUT, UH, I RETIRED FROM MY LIFE OF CRIME.

Dani: OH, GOD.

Dean: YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA CHEER YOU UP.

YOU KNOW, UM, I-I HAVE SOMETHING PERFECT FOR YOU.

YOU'LL SEE.

ONE SEC.

TA-DA!

Dani: [ GROANS ] [ RETCHING ] Dean: IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

OH, MY WORD.

DANI?

HEY, SWEETIE... [ TOILET FLUSHES ] MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY HOME WITH ME TODAY.

I'LL -- I'LL -- I'LL CALL YOUR BOSS.

-UH -- -Dani: NO, I-I CAN'T.

-I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

-Dean: NO.

DO YOU HAVE THE FLU?

ARE YOU -- YOU FEELING, LIKE, NAUSEOUS?

Dani: UH, I-I DON'T HAVE THE FLU.

Dean: OH.

UM... ARE, UH -- ARE YOU PREGNANT?

-Dani: NO.

-Dean: OH, OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT THAT.

LET ME CALL YOUR BOSS THEN.

YOU SHOULD -- Dani: NO, I'M -- I'M PREGNANT.

-Dean: [ LAUGHS ] -Dani: OW!

-Dean: OH, THAT'S FANTASTIC!

-Dani: DEAN -- DEAN, STOP!

Dean: LIKE, WE'RE HAVING THE PERFECT, LIKE, LITTLE, MINI US.

Dani: NO, DEAN, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

WE CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

Dean: LIKE ART ON MY FOREHEAD, AND, LIKE, WITH THE COOL HAIR.

YOU KNOW, IT'S GONNA BE, LIKE, AWESOME.

Dani: DEAN!

DEAN, I JUST BAILED YOU OUT OF JAIL!

Dean: I LIVE IN BROOKLYN, AND, LIKE, UH, YOUR DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

THAT'S -- [ LAUGHS ] DANI, NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME IF WE GOT MARRIED.

Dean: OH, COME ON!

DEAN!

Dean: I KNOW IT DIDN'T WORK FOR YOUR PARENTS, BUT, LIKE, WE ARE TWO LOVING -- Dani: NO, THIS DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING, OKAY?!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

YOU STILL BRAG ABOUT THAT STUPID RECORD THAT YOU HELD IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT IT'S NOT FUNNY.

YOU BROKE 32 -- 32 FAKE BABIES, DEAN.

Dean: THOSE WERE EGGS.

I MEAN, I CAN DO THIS.

I-I'LL GET A JOB AND -- Dani: WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO JUST GET ANY JOB.

I LIKE OUR PLAN.

Dean: OKAY, WELL, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

-JUST -- -Dani: I HAVE TO GET TO WORK.

-YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME!

-Dean: I LOVE YOU.

-Dani: STAY, STAY.

-Dean: UH, I'LL STAY.

I'LL STAY FOREVER, FOR A WHOLE LIFETIME.

Dani: WE'LL TALK LATER.

[ DOOR CLOSES ] Dean: [ SIGHS ] [ DOG BARKING ] [ SIREN WAILING ] Man: â EARLY IN THE MORNING, I CAN'T DO RIGHT â â HAD A LITTLE FIGHT WITH MY BABY LAST NIGHT â Dean: OH, HONEY, ACTUALLY, WE'RE, UH -- WE'RE GONNA DO, UM, BREAKFAST CEREAL.

Man: â DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S EARLY IN THE MORNING?

â Dani: OKAY.

Dean: LOOK WHAT I DID.

MY NEW EGG BABY.

I'M GONNA KEEP HIM SAFE ALL WEEK.

Man: â I AIN'T GOT NOTHING... â Dani: THAT'S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM YESTERDAY?

Dean: SEE, I JUST WANT TO, LIKE, YOU KNOW, PROVE TO YOU THAT I CAN DO IT.

[ HUMMING ] Man: â EARLY IN THE MORNING, I AIN'T GOT NOTHING, DO NOTHING â Dean: YOU SAID YESTERDAY THAT YOU, LIKE, WANTED ME TO BE, YOU KNOW, MORE PROTECTIVE OF, LIKE, GENTLE THINGS.

Dani: UM... Dean: WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT SHOULD WE NAME HIM?

UM, CLARK?

Dani: [ SCOFFS ] [ ENGINE REVS ] Jack: HOLY...

PREGNANT?

-Dean: DANI'S PREGNANT.

YEAH.

-Jack: WOW!

YOU'RE KEEPING IT?

Dean: JACK, I ONLY TOLD YOU 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY BROTHER, BUT WE'RE NOT TELLING ANYONE YET.

Jack: I DIDN'T REALIZE DANI WAS PRO-LIFE.

Dean: WE'RE READY.

[ GRUNTS ] [ LAUGHS ] DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW CUTE, YOU KNOW, BABIES ARE?

-Jack: NO, NOT REALLY.

-Dean: NO, LIKE -- LIKE -- Dean: YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO PROVE TO DANI THAT -- YOU THINK I'D BE A-A GOOD FATHER, RIGHT?

Jack: YEAH, NO.

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE WHO'S LESS READY TO BE A DAD THAN YOU ARE, EXCEPT MAYBE ME, BUT PROBABLY STILL YOU.

WHAT IS THIS?

OH, MY GOD.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN?

Dean: I NEED PRACTICE WITH DELICATE THINGS, YOU KNOW, LIKE BABIES.

Jack: YOU WERE SO BAD AT IT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU DROPPED LIKE 32 OF THEM.

-Dean: JACK, GIVE IT TO ME.

-Jack: NO, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

-THIS IS A BAD IDEA.

-Dean: OOH!

OH, YOU'RE OKAY.

Jack: YOU'RE GONNA KILL THE BABY.

Dani: DEAN!

YOUR ALARM DIDN'T GO OFF AGAIN.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

Dean: I LOVE YOU.

JACK DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

I'VE GOT REALLY GOOD REFLEXES.

I'M ALSO VERY FLEXIBLE.

I CAN -- I CAN DO, LIKE, THE MAN SPLITS.

STARING CONTEST.

GO.

YOU, ME.

ONE... CLARK, THIS CLOCK IS FOR YOU.

IT'S GONNA BE YOUR FIRST PRESENT.

IF YOU HAD CHEEKS, I'D PINCH THEM.

Dani: IS THAT MY BRA?

-Dean: YOU STILL WEAR THAT?

-Dani: YEAH.

PADDED BRAS ARE SO FIVE YEARS AGO.

-Dani: UH-HUH.

-Dean: YEAH.

YOU DON'T NEED PADDING.

YOU JUST -- YOU LOOK NICE.

Dani: OKAY.

Dean: UH-HUH.

HEY, CHARLIE, YOU TOLD ME ABOUT A JOB A WHILE BACK.

CAN I SEND YOU MY RéSUMé?

NO.

CAN I -- CAN I SEND YOU MY RéSUMé?

-Woman: DEAN, OH, MY GOD!

-Dean: OH, HEY.

-Woman: IT'S BEEN FOREVER.

-OH!

CLARK.

-Woman: HOW ARE YOU?

-Dean: I'M GOOD.

Woman: [ LAUGHS ] Johnny: HEY, DUDE.

I'M JOHNNY.

Dean: I'M DEAN.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

Woman: UH, SORRY, DEAN.

THIS IS MY FRIEND JOHNNY.

Dean: JOHNNY.

OH, THIS IS A LITTLE PROJECT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON.

Woman: OH, YEAH.

DEAN IS ALWAYS DOING ALL OF THESE PROJECTS.

HE'S SO FUNNY.

WHAT'S THIS ONE FOR?

Dean: OH, THIS IS, UH -- IT'S FOR DANI.

Johnny: YEAH?

WHO'S DANI?

Dean: SHE'S A GODDESS.

NO, JUST -- JUST KIDDING.

SHE'S MY -- MY GIRLFRIEND.

Johnny: WELL, MAYBE WE COULD ALL GO OUT AND GET A MOVIE SOMETIME.

Dean: YEAH.

-Woman: GREAT RUNNING INTO YOU.

-Dean: YEAH, YEAH.

Woman: YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.

Dean: YEAH, I HAVE.

UM, ACTUALLY, I-I GOT TO RUN.

I HAVE, UM -- I'M MEETING DANI.

Woman: YEAH.

-Dean: MWAH!

-Woman: OKAY.

Dean: GOOD TO MEET YOU.

-Johnny: SEE YOU.

-Dean: YEAH, SEE YOU.

LATER.

Woman: BYE.

Walter: ...GO RIGHT WITH YOU.

AND A WHOLE NEW WORLD'S GONNA OPEN UP.

-Dean: OOH!

-[ BOTH LAUGHING ] Walter: ...YOU KNOW WHY?

I WAS JEALOUS.

I WAS SORE BECAUSE HE COULD OFFER YOU THE KIND OF LIFE I CAN'T GIVE YOU.

-THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, HONEY.

-Hildy: I, UH -- I COULD STAY AND DO THE STORY AND TAKE THE TRAIN IN THE MORNING.

-Dani: OH!

-Dean: CLARK...

SIT BY YOURSELF, CLARK.

Walter: OH, DUFFY, NOW THIS IS HOW IT GOES SO FAR.

-OH, JUST A MINUTE.

-Dean: MM, MM.

Walter: HELLO?

WHO?

HILDY JOHNSON?

-Dani: TASTE GOOD?

-Dean: YEAH.

YOU TASTE BETTER PREGNANT, I THINK.

Dani: OH, GOD.

Dean: [ LAUGHS ] Hildy: HILDY JOHNSON SPEAKING.

[ ALARM CLOCK BEEPING ] Dean: GOOD MORNING, CLARK.

HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?

DID YOU HAVE NICE EGG DREAMS?

Man: â EVERYBODY'S GOT TO LOVE SOMEONE SOMETIME â All: â EVERYBODY'S GOT TO LOVE SOMEONE SOMETIME â Man: â EVERYBODY'S GOT TO LOVE SOMEONE SOMETIME â All: â EVERYBODY'S GOT TO LOVE SOMEONE SOMETIME â Man: â BOP, BOP, BOP FOR ME EVERY DAY â â SHINE ME A LIGHT TO A DIFFERENT WAY â â I WANNA MOVE WHEN I WANNA, WANNA MOVE, YEAH â â I WANNA GROOVE WHEN I WANNA, WANNA GROOVE, YEAH â â I THINK BACK, I'M GONNA BREAK IT â â I BREAK IT, I BREAK IT â â I BREAK IT, BREAK IT, BREAK IT DOWN â â ONE LIFE FOREVER â â YOU PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET â â AND YOU SAVE IT FOR A RAINY DAY â â ONE LIFE FOREVER â â YOU PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET â â AND YOU KNOW THAT IT'LL GROW A TREE â â ONE LIFE FOREVER â Dean: [ SIGHS ] [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] [ DOOR OPENS ] -Dean: JACK?

-Jack: COME HERE, MAN.

Dean: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Jack: I'VE GOT WHISKEY.

WE'RE GONNA DO SOME SHOTS.

THEN WE'RE GONNA GO OUT.

IF I CAN'T TALK YOU OUT OF THIS, WE HAVE TO PARTY WHILE WE STILL CAN.

Dean: I'M NOT DRINKING TONIGHT, MAN.

Jack: OH, COME ON.

JUST ONE LITTLE FOR YOU.

LITTLE FOR ME.

Dean: NO, I'M NOT GONNA DRINK TONIGHT.

NO, NO, NO.

I'M NOT -- LOOK, JACK, I'M NOT DRINKING THIS.

Jack: OH, IT'S JUST SO SWEET.

-LOOK AT THIS.

-Dean: NO, NO, NO!

JACK, YOU -- YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEAVE.

NO, JACK, YOU HAVE -- JACK, YOU HAVE TO GO.

Jack: COME ON, MAN.

WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?

Dean: NO, I'M SERIOUS.

YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.

Jack: HERE, LET ME GET MY -- Dean: NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

CLARK!

OH, NOT NOW.

I WAS SO CLOSE.

AH, CLARK, I'M -- I'M -- Jack: HEY, MAN, I'M -- LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUSH YOU.

Dean: DANI'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE, AND I JUST -- -I DON'T KNOW WHAT -- -Jack: HERE.

Dean: NO, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T TOUCH HIM.

JUST DON'T.

Jack: HEY, LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUST GET ANOTHER EGG OUT OF THE FRIDGE, PAINT A FACE ON IT.

Dean: I CAN'T LIE TO DANI.

SHE'S RIGHT ABOUT ME.

I... [ DOOR CLOSES ] -Jack: HEY.

-Dani: JACK.

Jack: HEY, DANI.

UM... [ SIGHS ] Dani: OH, DEAN.

Dean: DANI, I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS.

IT JUST -- IT JUST FELL OFF.

Dean: YOU SAW THOSE?

Dani: OF COURSE I SAW THEM.

I'VE BEEN CRAVING EGGS ALL WEEK.

Dean: YEAH, I DIDN'T USE ANY OF THEM.

-I JUST -- -Dani: I KNOW.

THEY'RE JUST EGGS.

Dean: OH, YEAH!

Dani: DEAN, IT WAS REALLY SWEET, WHAT YOU DID FOR ME.

Dean: IT WAS STUPID.

Dani: CRAZY, BUT IT WAS KIND OF COOL, TOO.

YOU'LL BE A GOOD DAD.

[ LAUGHS ] -Jack: YEAH.

-Dean: JACK!

-Dani: JACK, JACK.

-Jack: OH, MAN.

[ CHICK CHIRPING ] Dean: CLARK?

HE'S ALIVE!

Dani: [ LAUGHS ] Dean: YOU'RE A FUZZY LITTLE THING.

-Dani: HEY, LITTLE MAN.

-Dean: WHO'S YOUR DADDY, CLARK?

Dani: OH, OKAY.

[ BABY CRYING ] Dean: [ GROANS ] Man: â I GOT YOU ON MY MIND â â I NEED IT NOW, BABY â â WANT YOU MINE â Dean: I GOT IT, HONEY.

GO BACK TO SLEEP.

Dani: I LOVE YOU.

Man: â BUT, DARLING, DARLING, DON'T APPEASE THE CHOIR â â YOU'RE NOT THE GIRL THEY SAID YOU WERE â â YOU CAN SHAKE AND TWIST LIKE FIRE â â AND, DARLING, DARLING â Dean: OH, CLARK... Man: â I DON'T CARE... â â BUT I TEND TO SYMPATHIZE â Dean: HEY, CLARK, YOU WANT TO SNUGGLE?

[ BOTH LAUGHING ] Dani: HEY, SWEETIE.

[ LAUGHS ] -Dean: [ SMOOCHES ] LITTLE PECK.

-Man: â I GOT YOU ON MY MIND â â THIS YOUTHFUL INCLINATION IS A FEELING ALL THE TIME â â I WANT YOU... â [ CLARK CLUCKING ] [ CHICKS CHIRPING ]